It has been several weeks since my last post, so I wanted to catch up on the most recent developments with Wes 2.0.
I had my 10th chemotherapy treatment last week. This one was not really any different from the previous nine. One interesting thing that occurred was as I was walking out of the hospital in my post chemo "zombie state," I got a whiff of cigarette smoke in the parking lot. I looked up and saw one of the doctors/nurses smoking a cigarette as he was getting out of his car. While giving him the worst chemo face I could, I yelled something I cannot completely remember or write on the blog. Come on now, smoking at a cancer hospital, really. I am not going to write that I wish that guy would get cancer, but I am definitely going to think it. And just for reference, The City of Hope is a smoke free facility... even the parking lots.
Over the last five months I have tried numerous things to elevate the pain and side effects of the chemotherapy. Previous posts on the blog have mentioned some of the more interesting ideas. One principal I have learned is do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better (within reason). In many instances this concept pertains to my eating and sleeping habits.
Once I come home from a chemo session I try and go straight to bed in order to sleep off the initial chemical onslaught. Either Saturday night or sometime Sunday I normally feel good enough to get up and take a shower and try to start getting back to reality. One thing I have been doing is combining my shower time and meal time, taking one thing I really like and combining it with something else I really like.
I started eating in the shower several years ago working as police officer. I would work the midnight shift and get home around breakfast time. Obviously being really tired, I did not feel like sitting down at the table to eat a bowl of cereal and then going to take a shower, so I combined the two in one single glorious event. Eat my cereal while taking a shower.
Now transitioning to my current cancer situation. For several days after chemo I have very low energy levels and don't feel like being out of bed for too long. Therefore, I maximize my time by eating in the shower. Now I don't do this at every meal, but I will admit that during the recovery from the 10th session, I did have two delicious pulled pork burritos in the shower.
Yes, there is probably some hygiene issue with this.
Yes, there is probably some underlying social issue responsible for this habit (not being held enough as a kid, or being bullied at school).
Yes, Kristen knows about this, and actually brought me the burritos last week.
and Yes, I am doing to this because it makes me feel better.
... I have had several other failed ideas at making myself feel better and sitting reverse on the toilet in order to rest my arms on the tank does not make me feel better.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
See look, my insides are not rotten anymore.
Let me explain the photo, as it was explained to me as I was throwing up during treatment.
The one on the left was taken before any chemo had begun (January). The photo on the right was taken in April, and all the black spots are supposed to be there. So therefore, there is no visible signs of the cancer still in my body.
Let me address a few things before people start making obscene comments.
1. No, you cannot see my private parts
2. No, my heart is not really black (contrary to what Kristen says)
3. Yes, you can see my rosy cheeks through the scan
4. No, my body has not shrunk overall.
5. Yes, my brain is that big.
6. Yes, there is less space between my arms and my waist as a result of my "Chemo Diet."
7. Yes, you can see my private parts
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Can't think of a good title.
written April 30
published May 1
I having been procrastinating in my updates for two reasons. First, I still feel like I am in Hell's version of groundhog's day, and second, the more I talk about my current cancerous status, the more I feel like I am living in the present, where as I would rather be living in the future (cancer free).
As many of you know I have chemotherapy every other Friday. On the weekends I don't have chemo, I like to do whatever I can to help me "escape from reality". (try and name the song I just quoted). Some of my recent escapes have been to Yosemite National Park (saw Half Dome), Minnesota (saw the Mall of America), Las Vegas (saw Flava Flav) and Phoenix (saw Family).
This last Friday, I had my 8th round of chemo. I have progressively gotten more and more sick each time I go. I am trying to do whatever I can to help with the horrible feelings I get when I arrive. For the last few rounds, once I check in to hospital, I go outside, sit on a bench and wait for my name to be called. I just sit on a bench by myself and try to enjoy the sun, the birds, the breeze, or anything that distracts me from the feeling of nausea.
An interesting side note is that I felt too sick to get out of the car once we arrived home, so I just reclined the seat and stayed in the car for about an hour. Once I thought I could get to my bed safely, I opened the door, stepped out and ended up on my knees throwing up in the planter. My neighbors probably think I am the biggest alcoholic. It was 4:30 in the afternoon.
One of the most difficult parts of the treatments are the terrible smells associated with the drugs, hospital, cleaning solutions.... I started writing this paragraph this morning, but just thinking about it made me sick, so I am giving it another try this evening. I have tried different candies, burying my head in a pillow, sleeve, different masks... but the smells still get to me. I AM UP FOR ANY SERIOUS or NON SERIOUS SUGGESTIONS.
Overall, I am still doing fine. For those of you who have not heard, I received the results from a mid treatment scan, and the cancer is retreating/ appears to have left. This is not an official "All Clear", but its definitely good news. I don't like the word remission, so retreat is what I say.
My hair is falling out, but not bald. For some reason, I have lost all the hair on my thighs. They are quite smooth. I am also losing a lot of armpit hair. I guess if I was going to choose areas that I don't mind losing hair those would be it. Other than the hair, and being out of shape, I am doing fine.
On a more serious note. I consider myself very blessed to have gone through what I have so far. I heard someone put life in perspective this way.
-Its only when you are aware of death, that life screams at you with such intensity-
I feel like I have been given such a unique opportunity to look at life in a way that most people my age don't get. It reminds me of the book titled, "Don't sweat the small stuff, it's all small stuff." I am not professing to be any more wise or educated than anyone else, but I feel a change within me on my view of life.
I appreciate all the support in its many forms: prayers, texts, emails, phone calls, fasts, thought, etc.
This is the part where I insert photos... the photos we have from the last few treatments don't show off my baby angel-like glow. They will be funny to laugh at... down the road.
published May 1
I having been procrastinating in my updates for two reasons. First, I still feel like I am in Hell's version of groundhog's day, and second, the more I talk about my current cancerous status, the more I feel like I am living in the present, where as I would rather be living in the future (cancer free).
As many of you know I have chemotherapy every other Friday. On the weekends I don't have chemo, I like to do whatever I can to help me "escape from reality". (try and name the song I just quoted). Some of my recent escapes have been to Yosemite National Park (saw Half Dome), Minnesota (saw the Mall of America), Las Vegas (saw Flava Flav) and Phoenix (saw Family).
This last Friday, I had my 8th round of chemo. I have progressively gotten more and more sick each time I go. I am trying to do whatever I can to help with the horrible feelings I get when I arrive. For the last few rounds, once I check in to hospital, I go outside, sit on a bench and wait for my name to be called. I just sit on a bench by myself and try to enjoy the sun, the birds, the breeze, or anything that distracts me from the feeling of nausea.
An interesting side note is that I felt too sick to get out of the car once we arrived home, so I just reclined the seat and stayed in the car for about an hour. Once I thought I could get to my bed safely, I opened the door, stepped out and ended up on my knees throwing up in the planter. My neighbors probably think I am the biggest alcoholic. It was 4:30 in the afternoon.
One of the most difficult parts of the treatments are the terrible smells associated with the drugs, hospital, cleaning solutions.... I started writing this paragraph this morning, but just thinking about it made me sick, so I am giving it another try this evening. I have tried different candies, burying my head in a pillow, sleeve, different masks... but the smells still get to me. I AM UP FOR ANY SERIOUS or NON SERIOUS SUGGESTIONS.
Overall, I am still doing fine. For those of you who have not heard, I received the results from a mid treatment scan, and the cancer is retreating/ appears to have left. This is not an official "All Clear", but its definitely good news. I don't like the word remission, so retreat is what I say.
My hair is falling out, but not bald. For some reason, I have lost all the hair on my thighs. They are quite smooth. I am also losing a lot of armpit hair. I guess if I was going to choose areas that I don't mind losing hair those would be it. Other than the hair, and being out of shape, I am doing fine.
On a more serious note. I consider myself very blessed to have gone through what I have so far. I heard someone put life in perspective this way.
-Its only when you are aware of death, that life screams at you with such intensity-
I feel like I have been given such a unique opportunity to look at life in a way that most people my age don't get. It reminds me of the book titled, "Don't sweat the small stuff, it's all small stuff." I am not professing to be any more wise or educated than anyone else, but I feel a change within me on my view of life.
I appreciate all the support in its many forms: prayers, texts, emails, phone calls, fasts, thought, etc.
This is the part where I insert photos... the photos we have from the last few treatments don't show off my baby angel-like glow. They will be funny to laugh at... down the road.
Friday, March 30, 2012
March Madness
As I am writing this blog post, I am boring myself. I apologize in advance for the lack of substance, but this is this the current situation.
My body feels a lot like my March Madness bracket... pretty busted
I have had several treatments since my last post, and I wanted to write an update, but this cancer thing makes my life seem like groundhogs day. I was hoping something interesting would have occurred since the last post, but at this point it's pretty mundane.
I am going in tomorrow for the 6th treatment of 12. I am glad this is going to be half way point, and I cannot wait to put this all behind me. I have a scan scheduled for the 5th of April to see any progression the drugs have had on the cancer cells, or if the doctors need to up the potency level because there is not enough progress being made. Regardless if the results show that there are not any signs of the cancer remaining in my body, the Dr. still insists that I finish the remaining 6 rounds... She's not the one with her head in the toilet.
I have not lost my hair yet. It is slowly coming out, but I was under the impression it would be long gone. I continue to cut it pretty short, which makes it easier to maintain. Maybe it's just male pattern baldness. (that's depressing)
My appetite is pretty normal, I eat about 5-6 small meals a day. I have found that food helps settle my stomach, especially after getting belly full of venom. I get cravings for certain foods, some of highlights are whoppers, cole slaw (any type of slaw), Sprite, KFC, stuffing, cheesy Gordita crunches. I am hoping to get over this cancer thing and move onto diabetes after the summer.
Thats about all I have to report on. Here are two photos of from the last two rounds. (descriptions below)
1. 2.
My body feels a lot like my March Madness bracket... pretty busted
I have had several treatments since my last post, and I wanted to write an update, but this cancer thing makes my life seem like groundhogs day. I was hoping something interesting would have occurred since the last post, but at this point it's pretty mundane.
I am going in tomorrow for the 6th treatment of 12. I am glad this is going to be half way point, and I cannot wait to put this all behind me. I have a scan scheduled for the 5th of April to see any progression the drugs have had on the cancer cells, or if the doctors need to up the potency level because there is not enough progress being made. Regardless if the results show that there are not any signs of the cancer remaining in my body, the Dr. still insists that I finish the remaining 6 rounds... She's not the one with her head in the toilet.
I have not lost my hair yet. It is slowly coming out, but I was under the impression it would be long gone. I continue to cut it pretty short, which makes it easier to maintain. Maybe it's just male pattern baldness. (that's depressing)
My appetite is pretty normal, I eat about 5-6 small meals a day. I have found that food helps settle my stomach, especially after getting belly full of venom. I get cravings for certain foods, some of highlights are whoppers, cole slaw (any type of slaw), Sprite, KFC, stuffing, cheesy Gordita crunches. I am hoping to get over this cancer thing and move onto diabetes after the summer.
Thats about all I have to report on. Here are two photos of from the last two rounds. (descriptions below)
1. 2.
1. Here is the photo from round #4. I am standing in front of the hospital City of Hope. Don't get confused by the serene "light beams" in the photo, I am pretty sure that is just L.A. pollution...
2. I am including a creepy photo Kristen took during the last treatment (5th), just to show off my new cancer beanie. I look like a baby angel... Actually, Kristen and I were playing a game of opossum.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Laughter is the best medicine
Several people at work have spent the last month putting together a charity event for me, and on February 15, the culmination of all their hard work came together in the form of Wes 2.0 at the Comedy and Magic Club in Redondo Beach.
The night was headlined by the comedic acts of Garry Shandling, Kathleen Madigan and Ryan Hamilton. All are extremely talented and skilled in their profession, but I have to say that I enjoyed Ryan Hamilton the most. I actually had the opportunity to talk with him back stage, and turns out I am now the second funniest Mormon that I know, as Ryan is a BYU alumni and served a mission in North Carolina.
The night was closed to the public, and was made up of a combination of family, friends (from Cali and T-Town), and a whole lot of law enforcement support from all over the Southland. (It would have been a good night to rob a bank).
The hard work by a few didn't stop with just the selling of tickets to the event, but also included a silent auction for gift baskets, jewelry, autographed sports memorabilia, theme park tickets and even a free personal flight lesson.
To sum up the night, I was once again humbled by the generosity and support.
Fast forward three days later. I had my third round of chemotherapy. My body has reacted a little bit different every time, and this time was no bueno. I was finished treatment around 2:00 pm, and did not feel anything until around 7:00 pm that night. I spent the next three days no more than walking distance from my bed.
I was told from a nurse at the hospital that Michael C. Hall, famously known as Dexter Morgan (you have to say it like the trinity killer does) was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma in 2010, and successfully overcame it. Fun Fact.
...Up coming Posts will include "High Maintenance Disease, Low Maintenance Haircut"
Thanks for all the love.
The night was headlined by the comedic acts of Garry Shandling, Kathleen Madigan and Ryan Hamilton. All are extremely talented and skilled in their profession, but I have to say that I enjoyed Ryan Hamilton the most. I actually had the opportunity to talk with him back stage, and turns out I am now the second funniest Mormon that I know, as Ryan is a BYU alumni and served a mission in North Carolina.
The night was closed to the public, and was made up of a combination of family, friends (from Cali and T-Town), and a whole lot of law enforcement support from all over the Southland. (It would have been a good night to rob a bank).
The hard work by a few didn't stop with just the selling of tickets to the event, but also included a silent auction for gift baskets, jewelry, autographed sports memorabilia, theme park tickets and even a free personal flight lesson.
To sum up the night, I was once again humbled by the generosity and support.
Fast forward three days later. I had my third round of chemotherapy. My body has reacted a little bit different every time, and this time was no bueno. I was finished treatment around 2:00 pm, and did not feel anything until around 7:00 pm that night. I spent the next three days no more than walking distance from my bed.
I was told from a nurse at the hospital that Michael C. Hall, famously known as Dexter Morgan (you have to say it like the trinity killer does) was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma in 2010, and successfully overcame it. Fun Fact.
...Up coming Posts will include "High Maintenance Disease, Low Maintenance Haircut"
Thanks for all the love.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Port-a-cath surgery
I had surgery this morning at 11:00 a.m. The surgery was to place a catheter into my superior vena cava (vein going to my heart area), which runs to an opening at the other end on the right side of my chest. This will enable the chemotherapy drugs to be directly shot into my body without needing to stick a needle into the smaller veins in my arm. It is also easier on my veins overall.
When I got to the hospital the receptionist handed me a "last directive" form, which you fill out and list someone to make medical decisions if you are unable to do so on your own. I was not expecting that. It took me awhile to decide who I wanted to have make medical decisions for me, but because I am sure my Dad and Garrett would request that I get breast implants, or a hook for a hand. I ended up not submitting the form. I just figured that me in a coma, could still make better decisions than anyone else could for me. (That sounds like something Dwight Schrute would say).
I was then taken to a hospital bed, and told to completely disrobe and put on one of the humiliating hospital gowns where your rumpus is out in the open. I had a hat and booties to match.
Anyway, the surgery was about 45 minutes in duration, and after a mixture of Verced and anesthesia, I cannot remember much of it. I now know that I am a light weight when it comes to waking up from the anesthesia, and for some reason I sang "you can't keep a good dog down", from the Disney movie All Dogs Go To Heaven for about ten straight minutes until they called Kristen in the recovery room and order was restored.
Third round of Chemo coming up on Friday.
Here are some photos from today's excitement.
Pre surgery smile (I am pretty sure the chemo caused the zit) Carlie, too soon and rude overall.
When I got to the hospital the receptionist handed me a "last directive" form, which you fill out and list someone to make medical decisions if you are unable to do so on your own. I was not expecting that. It took me awhile to decide who I wanted to have make medical decisions for me, but because I am sure my Dad and Garrett would request that I get breast implants, or a hook for a hand. I ended up not submitting the form. I just figured that me in a coma, could still make better decisions than anyone else could for me. (That sounds like something Dwight Schrute would say).
I was then taken to a hospital bed, and told to completely disrobe and put on one of the humiliating hospital gowns where your rumpus is out in the open. I had a hat and booties to match.
Anyway, the surgery was about 45 minutes in duration, and after a mixture of Verced and anesthesia, I cannot remember much of it. I now know that I am a light weight when it comes to waking up from the anesthesia, and for some reason I sang "you can't keep a good dog down", from the Disney movie All Dogs Go To Heaven for about ten straight minutes until they called Kristen in the recovery room and order was restored.
Third round of Chemo coming up on Friday.
Here are some photos from today's excitement.
Pre surgery smile (I am pretty sure the chemo caused the zit) Carlie, too soon and rude overall.
 |
This is the catheter. It runs from the neck area down to my chest. You can see the entire tube, and the reservoir area sticks out about an inch from being swollen. It looks like a third nip. Also, I did not put on fake tan before surgery, nor do I have a hill billy of a tan line. Its cleaning solution, and for some reason it goes from my neck down to my belly button... |
Oops, they forget to take the three stickies off my back.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Round II- more side effects
I had the second round of chemotherapy last Friday afternoon.
I arrived at the City of Hope at 8:30 am for a surgical consultation, as I am going to have a catheter placed in my chest, connected to my heart (to simplify medical terms). This will allow the chemo drugs to go into my body more easy and it is also easier on my veins, which begin to deteriorate when the drugs are injected directly into them regularly.
After several hours of sitting in the waiting room playing words with friends, I began Round II at around noon. The nurse (lets call her Nurse 1) was someone I had not dealt with before and lets just say there was a "communication barrier"... and my English is pretty good. A second nurse (Nurse 2) finally came in and straightened some things out.
I have previously mentioned some of the side effects of the drugs (tingling in fingers...) Some of the other issues that I have had to deal with are equally annoying. One of the nurses said that when using the bathroom (going #1 or #2) I should flush twice. My initial thought was that Kristen might have told the nurse to tell me this... you know a "courtesy flush", but the nurse said that its not safe to have any chemo drug residue in the bathroom. So trying to do that is extremely annoying, most people flush and run, not me, I flush, stand around for a bit and try to flush again... usually before the tank fills up.
Another thing that has begun to drive me a bit insane is the semi-insomnia. After the initial chemo injections, I try and get as much sleep as possible, so I don't have to endure the constant feeling of getting off the Disneyland tea cups after eating five nacho cheese dogs. As a result of weird sleep hours, I have found that for some reason I will wake up from my go to tylenol pm/ambien/any other sleep inducing drug cocktail, in the middle of the night and be wide awake. I am not talking about the "I have to go pee" one eye open awake. I am talking about the just got punched in the face wide awake. As a result of the tylenol etc, my eyes are pretty much unable to open, but my legs and body are ready to go. Its my "restless leg syndrome" side effect. I have found that pacing throughout the house, walking up and down the stairs, stretching and also swearing helps with this issue. It takes between 30 minutes to an hour before I can get back to bed.
Just a few more weird side effects. These will be quick.
1. Sleep habits are a bit off, and I have been known to make some weird whimpering sounds in bed (No, I don't have mommy or daddy issues).
2. Kristen also thinks she is a victim of domestic violence, as she has been on the receiving end of some extreme tossing and turing as I try to get comfortable in bed. She has no marks, so its her word against mine. I was a police officer, I know how it works.
3. The chemo drugs have made me a little bit gassy at times. Since Kristen knows that I have to flush twice... she has translated that into thinking my gas is actually go to inflict real harm. I am sorry to Midas (our dog) who I blame it on. All about projecting the blame.
Other than that, I am good. Thank you for all the support! The phone calls, emails, texts, and inappropriate picture messages are helping me stay positive and optimistic through this difficult time. Oh, and I am 16% done with the Chemotherapy....
Wes 2.0
I arrived at the City of Hope at 8:30 am for a surgical consultation, as I am going to have a catheter placed in my chest, connected to my heart (to simplify medical terms). This will allow the chemo drugs to go into my body more easy and it is also easier on my veins, which begin to deteriorate when the drugs are injected directly into them regularly.
After several hours of sitting in the waiting room playing words with friends, I began Round II at around noon. The nurse (lets call her Nurse 1) was someone I had not dealt with before and lets just say there was a "communication barrier"... and my English is pretty good. A second nurse (Nurse 2) finally came in and straightened some things out.
I have previously mentioned some of the side effects of the drugs (tingling in fingers...) Some of the other issues that I have had to deal with are equally annoying. One of the nurses said that when using the bathroom (going #1 or #2) I should flush twice. My initial thought was that Kristen might have told the nurse to tell me this... you know a "courtesy flush", but the nurse said that its not safe to have any chemo drug residue in the bathroom. So trying to do that is extremely annoying, most people flush and run, not me, I flush, stand around for a bit and try to flush again... usually before the tank fills up.
Another thing that has begun to drive me a bit insane is the semi-insomnia. After the initial chemo injections, I try and get as much sleep as possible, so I don't have to endure the constant feeling of getting off the Disneyland tea cups after eating five nacho cheese dogs. As a result of weird sleep hours, I have found that for some reason I will wake up from my go to tylenol pm/ambien/any other sleep inducing drug cocktail, in the middle of the night and be wide awake. I am not talking about the "I have to go pee" one eye open awake. I am talking about the just got punched in the face wide awake. As a result of the tylenol etc, my eyes are pretty much unable to open, but my legs and body are ready to go. Its my "restless leg syndrome" side effect. I have found that pacing throughout the house, walking up and down the stairs, stretching and also swearing helps with this issue. It takes between 30 minutes to an hour before I can get back to bed.
Just a few more weird side effects. These will be quick.
1. Sleep habits are a bit off, and I have been known to make some weird whimpering sounds in bed (No, I don't have mommy or daddy issues).
2. Kristen also thinks she is a victim of domestic violence, as she has been on the receiving end of some extreme tossing and turing as I try to get comfortable in bed. She has no marks, so its her word against mine. I was a police officer, I know how it works.
3. The chemo drugs have made me a little bit gassy at times. Since Kristen knows that I have to flush twice... she has translated that into thinking my gas is actually go to inflict real harm. I am sorry to Midas (our dog) who I blame it on. All about projecting the blame.
Other than that, I am good. Thank you for all the support! The phone calls, emails, texts, and inappropriate picture messages are helping me stay positive and optimistic through this difficult time. Oh, and I am 16% done with the Chemotherapy....
Wes 2.0
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